Dammit, I want a girlfriend and I don’t want a girlfriend. I am not in a place to have a significant other. If someone cute and compatible walked passed me tomorrow, I’d probably try to avoid them. I need time to get myself together (on multiple levels). Of course this is all while I b*#ch about not seeing anybody cute and available around here (when I am ready I’d like to know what my prospects are…). At the same time I’m seriously lonely and cry about it sometimes. It’s hard. How do you manage not being in a place for a significant other and yet wanting one?
I learned my lesson about trying to get with people just because I was lonely. I started hanging out with this dude (it was about this time to the day 2 years ago) because he was nice, cute, and I wasn’t doing anything else. Of course it lasted all of about 2 weeks (and now I have to live with the fact that my first kiss was w/ a 24 year old dude who pathetically didn’t know how to kiss). I don’t want to make that same mistake of getting with somebody “just because…”.
Yet it seems like the world is filled with nothing but couples when you’re single and it irritates the hell out of you (me). You (I) just want to claw both their eye’s out so they can’t make googly eyes at each other anymore.
(Note: I’m actually glad the green eyed monster has begun to rear it ugly head within me. Why? I used to have no desire to couple and romance…largely b/c I hadn’t discovered my sexuality yet. I thought for the longest time that I was unfeeling towards having someone romantic to be with. Sometimes having a negative feeling is better than having no feeling within you at all.)
- BROWSE / IN TIMELINE
- « Homo Harlem Film Retrospective
- » First New Post
COMMENTS / 10 COMMENTS
knowledge spoke on Jun 17 09 at 9:45 am“Sometimes having a negative feeling is better than having no feeling within you at all”
This rings so true, not only that, it’s even better when you recognize your feelings or lack thereof no matter how transformative their range. I understand how you feel about wanting to have a girlfriend at times and not wanting one at others. Seems like you’re stuck in a place we all become wedged into at some point in our love or lack of love lives. It has always been an intense struggle for me to date, just date when I’m not in the place where I feel I can give all of myself to someone else. When you want something, but you’re unmotivated to go after it. A conundrum that you’ll know when you’re ready to overcome. When I’d experience these periods in my life, I’d endure my lonliness by writing lots of lonely poetry…. it’s so cliche, but it was comforting and did its best to fill the void. When you’re in that place… everyting becomes possible.
[Reply]
Monie spoke on Jun 17 09 at 12:36 pmL,
It will happen for you. I was def feeling the way you are before I started to date “Jody”. In fact the reason I started to look at her as dating material in the beginning (we were just hangout buddies) was becasue I was so damned lonely. Turns out that my loneliness was the motivation I needed and had I not been feeling so alone I might have missed out on a wonderful relationship.
So just hang in there. Love sometimes comes when we need it the most and least expect it.
***BIG HUG***
[Reply]
glennishamorgan spoke on Jun 17 09 at 3:42 pmI feel you. I’m at a point right now where I don’t know if I really want a girlfriend either. I’m really content w/ just enjoying spending time w/ someone and enjoying each other minus the pressure. Not to say kick it w/ someone just because but, if you do find someone that peeks your interest or who you think you may enjoy spending time w/ there is nothing wrong w/ doing just that. You can worry about a relationship or going further later. Just make sure that you are honest in what you’re looking for or what and lay things out on the table.
[Reply]
Chanel spoke on Jun 17 09 at 4:50 pm“How do you manage not being in a place for a significant other and yet wanting one?”
This right here puts you lightyrs ahead of lots of people who jump into relationshps knowing damn well they aren’t ready for it. Myself included. Its good you’re listening to yourself. Save yourself the drama and BS you’d have to go thru if u were to throw yourself into a situation rite now. I went thru hell and back because I dot into something so deep without being ready for it. Luckily I got my ish together before i did both of us too much damage but man the the journey to get there was NO fun. It wouldve been much easier to get my stuff figured out first and get my mind right. But noo i hav to do everything the hard way. *sigh* lol girl enjoy yourself now and do wut u need to do for you. The relationship will come and then u can be truly ready to enjoy it and work it out.[Reply]
Sublimefemme spoke on Jun 22 09 at 12:26 pmHi Lauryn,
Sorry to be jumping in a little late on this one. When you meet the right person, you’ll know. Until then, I agree with Glennisha–have fun.
You’re such a great girl; I have no doubt you’ll be scooped up when you’re ready. And I should know since I’m an old married lady.
xo
SF[Reply]
SPEAK / ADD YOUR COMMENT
Comments are moderated.
LaurynX Reply:
June 18th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Yea, stuck is where I feel right now. …and the lack of motivation is killing me. The loneliness is why I’ve decided to get out and get a new hobby lol.
[Reply]